i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
