I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize