Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
cat food counts as protein by the way
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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