In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
