I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
