oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
