I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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