she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
