So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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