I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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