I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
