i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
