you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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