Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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