I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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