where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
