i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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