I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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