i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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