I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
All the doctor said was why
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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