i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
