so that wasnt chicken after all
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
