Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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