Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
