she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
