I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
