Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
