What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
