Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
