the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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