my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
