I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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