I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
