the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
