I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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