i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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