I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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