Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
