She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
