"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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