I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
