Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
