i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
