of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
