life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
