he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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