i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
