the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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