He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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