he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
