Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I love having hate sex.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
