I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
