it's too hot outside to masturbate.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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