I cannot find my penis.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
