Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My dick has a subreddit
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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