Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
