She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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