so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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