i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You did what with his pubic hair?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
