I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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