I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
