I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
