my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
