Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
