no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
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