the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
