when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
