I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
