I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
