She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize