We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
