His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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