I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
