Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Sorry about my life...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
